I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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