When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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