So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
