She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
