I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
