have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
