I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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