i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
