dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
