4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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