If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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