Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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