i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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