I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
