No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
