you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
