Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
