we're blogging at a bar
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
