Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
