i barfeds in our rink
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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