I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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