I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
