11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
