Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
