So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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