ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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