I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
