You're so nebulous sometimes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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