im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
