apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
