I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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