So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
