please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
