I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
