I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
