david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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