She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We left the knife in your bed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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