im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
