come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
