Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
