Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
