Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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