i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
