it was like his penis was on wheels.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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