my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
