This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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