There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
