I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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