The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
