He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
don't judge my taste in strippers
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
